Walnut Beach, Milford, CT

WALNUT BEACH, Milford CT from Karen Pasacreta

A Weight Loss Story: Jan and Kelly Curtis have lost over 180 pounds

The Power of Two: By leaning on each other, Jan and Kelly Curtis keep on losing...and losing with great SUCCESS.

There were days when Jan Curtis couldn’t walk up her driveway without huffing and puffing. Her weight was literally bringing her down, affecting her health—both physically and mentally. It had become a regular part of her life, though Jan was happy and accepting of herself. She just thought: I’m a large person, and I will always be large. Then something big was about to happen. Jan, now 51, was becoming a grandmother. She had one of those Aha moments most do when facing a life change. “I wanted to be around to watch my granddaughter grow up.”

That was three years ago before she had lapband surgery, a procedure that restricts the stomach with a “band,” making you eat less and lose weight. Thanks to the Hospital of Saint Raphael Center for Weight-Loss Surgery, Jan is “exactly 100 pounds lighter than I was three years ago.” She now goes for extended walks with her granddaughter, loves clothes shopping, and is happier with herself than ever. “I went from a size 28 to a 14,” she said. “When I look in the mirror now, I see success.”

So does Jan’s husband, Kelly Curtis. The two Derby residents, who have been together since they were 14, both looked into the Center for Weight-Loss Surgery at the same time, but only Jan initially followed through. Kelly, a utility supervisor for the Town of Bethel, was admittedly afraid. He had some more health challenges with Type 2 diabetes and an irregular thyroid. Since he had advanced Diabetes, gastric bypass was a better fit. It’s designed to induce food absorption and would allow him to lose more weight faster—something his health greatly needed.

“I thought about the surgery, but I was skeptical,” he said. Just like his wife, Kelly had a fat-person’s mentality or what professionals call cognitive distortion—he labeled himself as fat and couldn’t conceive of that changing. But Kelly was witnessing first-hand how Jan’s life was dramatically changing, and slowly became open to the idea. “I started to do the research more. I read it was reversing [diabetes],” he said. With this, Jan became his change agent, and diabetes his motivator. Two years after Jan, Kelly had surgery.

Today, Kelly weighs less than he did when he was a freshman on the Derby High School football team when his then-girlfriend, Jan, was a pop-pom girl. “I no longer have an insulin pump. I went from three vials of insulin a month a to a half of a vial!” said Kelly. “I lost 100 pounds within a year, and now I am maintaining it.”

The fact is couples who plan weight loss together, keep it off longer. Studies have shown that weight-loss surgery patients lose 30 to 40 percent more weight if they get surgery with a close family member, and double the improvement in obesity-related health problems. That’s why the Hospital of Saint Raphael has launched an outreach effort for couples and other family members considering weight-loss surgery.

Dr. Geoffrey Nadzam, the Curtises’ Bariatric surgeon, says the Curtises’ have had excellent success because of their support of each other. “When you do it with an internal support structure you wouldn’t have otherwise, there is a bit more sympathy and empathy for the other person. Both parties may end up altering their life habits in a way that is successful.” It’s not easy, though. You have to eliminate your old tendencies to let change happen. It can be quite daunting.

Dr. Nadzam believes that’s what separates The Hospital of Saint Raphael Center for Weight-Loss Surgery from other weight-loss programs is its very tailored and personalized approach, from preoperative to postoperative. “We hold their hand and lead them through all obstacles and barriers before, through, and after surgery,” he explained. “There is a caring touch. Patients who undergo such a big change in their life need to know we are there for them, that they are not just another number and not just another surgery.”

Each patient goes through an initial screening with a nutritionist and a psychiatrist to test their mental capacity for the difficult journey ahead. It’s important because a patient can enter many phases, from a beginning honeymoon phase when weight loss is great to depression when loss tapers off to a more normal pace. These issues need to be addressed. The Center offers a variety of services rich with weight-loss surgery specialists, nutritionists, psychiatrists, and social workers who run seminars, workshops, and support groups all designed to keep a patient on track and motivated to ensure weight-loss success—for life.

Dr. Raymone Shenouda, the Center’s preoperative psychiatrist, says the road to success begins with the first patient visit. “I tell them that their new diet begins now [before surgery], because they have to be able to handle the change.” The first six weeks after surgery is a complete liquid diet, something not easy for those who have never done it.

Jan and Kelly Curtis are a great success story because they made a huge commitment to undertake their lifestyle changes together. They now have an entirely new relationship with food. Their refrigerator is stocked with healthy options. They no longer host large Italian Sunday dinners. Jan, who is a hairdresser and a nail technician, now eats yogurt, eggs, toast, and focuses on protein. She rarely deviates and knows her limitations. “Before I could do three cups of macaroni,” she said. “Now, one cup of food on my plate is a lot for me.” “We still love to cook,” said Kelly, “but we just don’t cook as much. We don’t thrive on it.”

To say the Curtises’ before and after pictures are dramatic is an understatement. “People don’t recognize me [at first] then say I look great,” said Kelly, who admits after a lifetime of being large, it feels good to hear. “It’s been such a positive experience. [Jan] has been my motivation.”

The Hospital for Saint Raphael Center for Weight-Loss Surgery 

The Hospital for Saint Raphael Center for Weight-Loss Surgery adopts a holistic multidisciplinary approach to ensure a high success rate for its patients. Every patient interested in the program must go through a screening assessment to determine if he/she is a good candidate. It measures willpower as well as a basic level of mental understanding for how difficult the road ahead will be.

Patients meet with Center psychiatrist Dr. Raymone Shenouda, and are screened through a series of questions. “We look at whether or not the surgery will be beneficial to them mentally and assess if there are other psychological problems that will interfere.” Dr. Shenouda tests for eating disorders and depression, and will work with the patient and the patient’s physicians to clear them for surgery. Depending the issues, it could take up to six months or longer.

Gina Kessler, registered dietician with the Center, also does a nutritional assessment to help patients understand their new dietary restrictions, especially the initial liquid diet immediately following surgery. A weight history analysis and current food factors in the house are also taken into consideration on whether a person is ready. If others in the home are in need of a change, this patient can be a real motivator because they are all in it together. “Families make changes as a whole,” she said, “even if only one person has surgery.” Gina also has postoperative follow-up classes and is there as needed to help a patient through any dietary issues.  

Other postoperative care includes educational workshops designed to help patients acclimate to their new lifestyle.

Elizabeth McMahon, a Psychiatric Utilization Review Coordinator and licensed social worker for the Center, runs monthly behavior support groups. She also holds six-week seminars, some in tandem with Dr. Shenouda. Aimed at developing success skills, the goal is to help patients “think differently so you can change sabotaging behavior you had in the past,” she said. Some of the Workshop themes include: How Your Thinking Can Lead You Astray; Dieter’s thinking versus Think Thinking, Fighting Undermining Ideas, and Learning the Power Of Oh Well. “You have to learn to accept the circumstances as they are, not focusing on why me, poor me.”

Elizabeth also teaches coping mechanisms when each patient inevitably reaches that plateau and the weight loss slows down. “We are trying to help patients [pinpoint] physical hunger versus emotional hunger,” she said. The goal is for patients to feel in control so they can “say no to food pushers” and embrace a lasting new lifestyle where they are motivated daily.

GLOSSARY:

Gastric Bypass (Roux-en-Y) — Makes the stomach smaller (size of an egg) and causes food to bypass part of the small intestine, reducing what can be absorbed. Leads to greater and quicker weight loss. Recommended for diabetics and obese.

Adjustable Gastric Band — Laparoscopic: An adjustable band is placed around the stomach restricting its size. You feel full, eat less, and lose. (Most common of all bariatric procedures.) Vertical banded gastroplasty: A restrictive band is placed around the stomach and the stomach is stapled above the band. (Least common.)

Sleeve Gastrectomy—
The stomach is restricted by dividing it vertically and more than 85 percent of it is removed. Also involves stomach stapling.

Rock&soul

View more documents from Karen Pasacreta.

Know Your Credit Score

Know your credit score! healthy life ct

View more documents from Karen Pasacreta.

Pregnancy: Second Opinions Save Lives

Dr. Jennifer Ashton, one of the hosts of ABC's new daytime talk show "The Revolution," interviews me about  my pregnancy that almost wasn't...and the importance of seeking a medical second opinion.

A Mother Knows

I’m living in teenage hell.

The “glitter is more, cleaning is a chore, mothers are a bore, in two seconds flat you are at war, and YOU just want to yell, ‘Shut the front door’” kind.

I’m not really sure how else to describe it.

Today I was asked a plethora of questions from the minute I picked her up from school, til the 10 minutes it took to get us home. It started with, “How was your day?” and quickly progressed to “Why are you always so mean?” ending with, “Are you starting menopause?”

I felt like I arrived fresh-faced, then emerged with scars so deep that hours of Heidi Montag plastic surgery wouldn’t smooth them out. 

Yes, parents ruin lives. That is exactly what we set out to do when we have children. I actually made a conscious decision that I would be in labor for three days, beg for drugs only not to receive them, give birth, put in important mommy time by introducing her to BIG ideas and fostering cognitive development just to squash any dream she may imagine for her life.

Hey, go big or go home, right?

But tomorrow I am seeking revenge. I am going to wear her Uggs. And her favorite shirt. And then, I’m going to test-drive her jewelry, use her new straight iron, and make-out with her life-sized Justin Bieber cut out. Well, not really. Cause that would be creepy. But I am going to wear her Uggs. Just because I can. And I may use her shirt as a cleaning rag. But that would be over the top. You know what? Maybe I won’t even go in her room at all. Take that.

Truth be told our relationship blurs the lines of friend and mom. It’s probably 2.3 parts friend; 1.7 parts mom. For a long time it was just the two of us. Then along came a spider who sat down beside her stealing her curds and whey (figuratively that would be me, the mom). And there were three… then four... then five of us.

And it’s hard. It’s hard enough to be a teenager, let alone find yourself in new situations where you have to share your mom when you don’t want to do it. Let’s face it. Divorce sucks. When I hear people who have kids talk about how they want a divorce, I have profound words of wisdom—like, "It sucks." Sure, you’ll have all this time for you. And at first, you’ll think this party could be pretty great. I’ll re-read my favorite book! I’ll paint by numbers! I’ll raise chicks! Then you’ll be so depressed you don’t see your kid, you won’t do anything. That new passion for artistically creating cut-paper dogs of many breeds (yes, I actually did this—it’s all in the weight of the paper) will soon collect dust while you sit in front of the TV and get up only to tinkle. And people won’t come to this party. And those who aren’t divorced won’t understand. They say they will, but they won’t. Cause they can’t. Someone actually had the nerve to tell me “if that were me, I would miss my child so much.” Really? Cause I never missed mine. No, I never crawled up in a ball in my bed and cried myself to sleep worrying about how my life was affecting my child’s. Not once. The sad part is I think that remark was meant to make me feel better.

It didn’t work.

Before you know it, three years go by. And, finally that spider crawls past and you don’t feel like crushing it. Cause it’s a nice spider. And then your teenager tells you HER life is ruined. And you are even more depressed than when you got divorced. Man, kids can break your heart more than any man who tells you you’re fat. Which, I’m not. And if any did, I’d kick him in the privates. Exactly like I taught my teenager to do when she was little. 

Pain is difficult on any level. It doesn’t matter how old you are. I thought about this for a very long time and tried to figure out how to address the pain my teenager was coping with when the new babies came along. I came up with this poem. 

It really helped us. I am referring to it once again.

I hope if you are in my situation, it helps you, too.

A MOTHER KNOWS

By Karen Pasacreta

Mommy, will we always be together?

Why of course.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

But what if I get lost?

I will find you.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

What if we climbed a really tall mountain and I ended up on one side and you were on the other side?

I would find you.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

What if we were swimming in a great big sea and a huge wave took me away from you?

I would find you.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

What if we were flying kites and a strong wind carried me high up into the clouds?

I would find you.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

What if we were sledding down a huge hill and a giant snowball grabbed me and rolled away?

I would find you.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

Mommy?

Yes?

What if you got a new baby and you loved her more?

How do you know?

I know a mother's love is taller than a mountain, bigger than the sea, stronger than the wind, and warm enough to melt a giant snowball.

Mommy, will I always be your baby?

You will always be my baby.

How do you know?

A mother knows.

Mean Girls & Mentors

Ah, youth.

About a month ago my teenage daughter had a sleepover. It started with one girl, then she asked if so and so A could come, then so and so B, and by the time she was finished asking, we practically had A to Z. Ok, we had A through E, but that’s a lot to fit in a small-ish house that is getting smaller by the minute as my family gets larger (we just had our third child).

No worries. These kids squirreled themselves away upstairs and wanted nothing to do with me—until the morning. After all, they were up all night talking, and it made them hungry. And I was the pancake maker/flipper/server. Little did I know I would also become the mediator.

The kitchen table was lively that morning. Someone said something about the way someone looked that set off a firestorm of insults. Actually, it was more like an inferno. It kind of went like this: “Well, your skin is so pasty white you look like a ghost.” “Well, your skin is so red, it looks like you are on fire.” “Well, you’re so dumb you failed your science test.” “I don’t know what planet you are living on. Dumb— you must be talking about yourself.”

This is the tame version.

One insult after the other, I felt like I was in a scene from Mean Girls.  Actually, that would be an analogy from my daughter’s generation. My generation, brought to you by the incredible Judy Blume, would say this was closer to a verbal version of Slam Books. That’s when you write down everything you don’t like about someone and then let them have it… in print. A living, breathing document you can put in a keepsake box to linger forever. Ah, memories.

The whole thing was getting ugly. And I just couldn’t take the negativity. My daughter said, "This is what real friends do, Mom, they tell each other the truth." I said, noooo… real friends build each other up and make each other feel good. Here’s a tip. If someone constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, she is not your friend. One of my friends aptly put it this way (the lovely Marina). There’s a bus. You’re driving. And you stop and you let people on, but it’s crowded and not everyone can stay. Some mean people have to get off to make way for the nice people. In essence, if you’re a jerk, get off the bus. As a matter of fact, stay away from the stop, too.

Well, these girls weren’t jerks. They were adorable, well-spoken, articulate young ladies enduring a very serious power struggle to outdo one another for the prized throne of leader. These were also girls who clearly enjoyed being with each other. After all, they spend every weekend together at each other’s houses. They just needed a refresher on how to treat one another. So I pulled a little kumbaya, got out my guitar, and made them all sing Joni Mitchell songs. Just kidding. I made them sit in a circle and tell each other just what it is that they liked about each one. I guess you could call it a friendship exorcism. I was helping them clear the air of cruelty. They wanted tattoos and piercings; I wanted gumdrops and lollipops. We settled somewhere on sweet and salty pretzels. It had an after taste and could snap any minute, but looked good enough to try. 

Here’s the thing. Girls don’t have enough mentors. Who are they looking up to? I hate to get preachy. I really do. But, if your daughter is like mine, she sneaks in that ridiculous, inane MTV show, “The Jersey Shore.” And she thinks the Snooki vernacular is cool. Enough said about that. It’s beyond my mental comprehension. I still can't understand why they are on TV in the first place. That and the teen pregnancy show. Dear TV Gods, Really? I mean, really???

Here’s the point. These are the role models that are being elevated to stardom, given all the press, to bring into your living room and made available to impressionable young girls like mine. To borrow my two year old's favorite word: “Gross.” And it is... gross.

I tried. Lord knows I tried. When she was a baby I put together a binder of all these great authors and important historical female figures. I introduced her to Margaret Mead when she was five, I bought books on Eleanor Roosevelt, the women’s movement, Amelia Earheart, and downloaded obituaries of interesting personalities so she would be inspired. I know there’s some kind of oxymoron in there, but it was about their accomplishments. A “Hey! You can do that too if you try!” sort of thing.

You should see my children’s book collection. It is awesome! Have you ever read “Mirette on the High Wire” by Emily Arnold McCully? That is the most inspiring book for young ladies. The author is even more inspirational. (I got to interview her years ago after she won a prestigious prize for children’s literature.) As a result, my daughter was an avid reader. We were always buying books and going to the library. And as she grew, she found books more appropriate to her age group. She read every American Girl book she could get her hands on. When she was 10, she read “When a Tree Grows in Brooklyn” from cover to cover and cried at the end. She talked about it for days. I was in awe of her intellect.

Fast forward to the sleepover, hurling insults, and MTV.

Role models, mentors, whatever you want to call them. They can absolutely transform your life. When someone believes in you and your ability, and takes the time to build you up with important constructive criticism, you feel empowered. Like you can do anything because someone cares. I knew a person like that. Actually, I knew two—both teachers. My third grade teacher influenced me with her positivity and absurd writing assignments.  They were so silly, and I was silly. It was a tremendous outlet for my own absurdity. And she celebrated it! The second, whom I really want to pay tribute to here, was in college. And it is because of this woman I found the confidence to write professionally. She said, “You don’t have to be the best, but you do have to try. And it all begins with your heart. Find your voice deep inside of you, get your thoughts down, and edit later.” Great advice. I follow it to this day. 

My mentor and I became great friends, despite our 50-year age difference. She shared so many parts of her life with me, openly and willingly. Her quirkiness fit so well with mine, and we could laugh for hours about the silliest things. She loved to share her love of the arts, and we attended some wonderful shows together. She once brought me to Jacob’s Pillow in the Berkshires to see a dance performance. Every single one of those dancers was naked. I didn’t know whether to stare out of curiosity or to look away out of respect. And there was my friend, eyes all lit up with admiration at these dancer’s incredible abilities. She turned to me and said, “Ah, don’t you just love the human body? Isn’t it so beautiful?” That's how she saw people—as beautiful. 

We stayed in touch through the years, sent Christmas cards, then lost touch. Lives get busy, and I had a second baby later in life. I sent her a birth announcement with a long letter inside, but I didn’t hear from her. I figured she was too busy, and I just didn’t follow up. Recently, I found out she had suffered a long illness and passed away. I felt robbed and devastated. And lucky... just to know someone like her. She was an amazing, inspiring woman that touched many people's lives. She was just so... positive.

So here's what I want to say to my teenager: Words are powerful and can be quite affecting to those who are quite vulnerable. All it takes is one gesture, one kind word, or act of kindness to influence a life.  

Try it out on your friends. Nice is making a comeback. It's cool, it's edgy, and it's hip. Spread the word. I love you, Mom. P.S. It was really fun seeing Soul Surfer with you. They should make more inspirational movies like that!

Here's a book I bought for my daughter when she was in 3rd grade. We read it cover to cover, over and over again. I recommend it as a great resource for parents dealing with any friend issues.